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Who wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall in someone else’s therapy? Well, lucky for you, here’s a little peek:
With women in their 40s and 50s, the start of most sessions in my office is not an emotional check-in (a la “So, how you’ve been feeling?”) as one might imagine, but rather, “How’s the temperature in here? Should I crank the AC?” Whoever declared that younger women are hotter than middle-aged women got it all wrong!
As a mental health expert and psychologist, my point in sharing this tidbit with you is to highlight a basic but central point: we humans are wired to address basic physical comfort and needs before we turn our attention to other important matters. Have you heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?
Essentially, this American psychologist’s theory spells out a common-sense notion: before humans are motivated to tend to higher-level needs, such as belonging and love, or even self-actualization (reaching one’s full potential), people first address their basic physiological needs.
Psychotherapy can only go deeper once these physiological needs are considered or addressed, if at all possible. For instance, before other issues, women tend to first talk about:
Often, in reviewing their list of physiological concerns, women realize that menopause may be at work here. They understand that there are good reasons for their discomfort and that there is a path forward for some relief.
So, next time you wonder what happens behind the closed doors of a therapy session, remember that addressing basic comfort is often the first step. And who knew? Maybe the secret to a great therapy session starts with a properly set thermostat.
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